In Hindsight...

I was up early this morning, which is unusual for me as I'm not a morning person at all. However, lying in bed, being a considerate member of the family and waiting till a relatively acceptable time to be up and about the house, I got to thinking about how, once upon a time, I didn't give a damn what time I woke up. I just did. Of course, it was normally at six in the morning to watch cartoons.


Next I got to thinking about how much I don't like cartoons anymore (having a six-year-old brother who loves them doesn't help), which got me thinking about what else I used to enjoy on TV. Well, when you're seven years old, your TV viewing isn't that extensive. However, then I remembered that I used to love - and I mean LOVE (with all the emphasis textual editing can place on it) - watching infomercials.


If you somehow managed to beat the TV and wake up before the cartoons started, you would have to wait and sit through grown-ups telling you about stuff that only grown-ups can use (which in hindsight makes no sense as there are no grown-ups awake that early if they can help it). You'd think that that would be boring, right? You would be wrong. I can't describe how amazing, in my young and innocent seven-year-old mind, those products were. The way the grown-ups talked about things like mops and pots had me convinced that just having those things would be the answer to all life's problems. That those would be the things that would complete my life, even if I couldn't use them. 


However, things change as you grow up.


I voluntarily sat through an infomercial for an egg-cracker a few weeks ago as I was feeling slightly nostalgic. I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it was. Any intelligent adult watching it would know what I mean.  The product was a cool enough idea and if I had seen it in a shop, I might have considered buying it, but quite frankly, it insults non-users. You have to see it to understand:

I can understand a person maybe messing a little egg on the counter - but the whole thing?? Not only that, but they accuse you of doing that frequently enough to need one of their 'miracle' products. How stupid are they trying to make you out to be?


I watched the rest of it - you know, where they go into how amazing it is and how it can radically transform your life into a radiating cornucopia of happiness and endless rainbows - and I literally could not stop laughing. I can't remember the names of the presenters, but let's say that they were 'Bob' and 'Jill'. I apologise to all the Bobs and Jills out there. The reason I was laughing, really, was the way that they speak to each other. It's like they're scared their co-presenter might spontaneously forget their name. An example:


Bob: Wow, Jill! Does it really do all those things?


Jill: Yes, Bob. And if you order now you can also get a FREE EGG-BEATER!


Bob: Did you say a "FREE EGG-BEATER", Jill?


Jill: Why yes, I did say a "FREE EGG-BEATER", Bob! Absolutely free! You don't even have to pay for it, Bob!


Bob: Wow! Thank you, Jill. I'm calling in right now to get my EZ-Cracker and a FREE EGG-BEATER!


Have I made my point? Here is a relatively good product ruined by crazy American people that I've never heard of.


However, I should also point out that I was watching this with my six-year-old brother. As soon as they had flashed the order number for the last time, he turned to me and said, "Catherine, we must buy that for Mommy!" I laughed and cringed, but inside I knew that at his age, I was exactly the same.


I guess you can sell anything to kids. They haven't yet grown into their cynicism. I'm kind of glad I did. I would be a lot poorer today if I bought everything the TV tried to sell me.


That is all.

Argh, don't you just want to punch these people?

Evita and Joseph and Cats - Oh My!

So, now that the excitement of Christmas is over and the New Year is upon us, it is time for me to psych myself up for what will undoubtedly be one of the highlights of my life.


I've always loved musicals - how can you not? It's a view into a world very like our own, except that everything in this world is expressed through song and dance. It's how I imagine Heaven (and that's the truth). I have seen many in my eighteen years. The first I remember as being the Wizard of Oz. Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Annie and the Sound of Music were probably next and then Fiddler on the Roof. However, it was my exposure to Andrew Lloyd-Webber's masterpiece, The Phantom of the Opera, in 2005 that made me a musicals junkie.


Of course, all of the musicals that I have seen so far have been on video or DVD , most of them shot like a movie. I have only seen two that seem to have been shot in front of an audience (even though they weren't actually). Santa brought me 'Cats' and 'Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat' for Christmas and they've been amazing, especially because they're shot like a stage-play and not like a movie. Not that I have anything against musicals being shot like movies, it's just that I like to see how musicals (especially Lloyd-Webber's) would look live on stage.


Because you see, for all that I profess to be a musicals junkie, I've never actually seen one in a theatre (unless you count school, which I don't). 


However, all that is about to change. 


On Monday night three brave Strandians will embark on a journey to Camps Bay that will change the way they view musicals forever. Three Strandians, three tickets, one musical: Andrew Lloyd-Webber's 'Evita' (are you sensing a pattern?)


I literally cannot wait. I almost wanted to fast-forward through Christmas so that we could get to January 3. I saw the movie version of the musical with Madonna and Antonio Banderas and I must say that it is, in my opinion, one of the best musicals of all time. The music, the story, the characters - it's just perfect. 


Needless to say, I am wishing the next few days to go rushing by. I apologise to any of you who have to get something done by Monday. Strategise, that's my humble advice.


Well, that said, I'm off to watch a bit of 'Cats'. Have an amazing weekend!


Happy 2011!

- Cath x

No, it won't be Madonna, but it will still be amazing

My New-Year's Resolution

It's good-bye 2010 (as crazy and busy as you've been) and hello 2011.


Wow, first of all, 2011 is quite a mouthful. Compare it to the catchiness of 2010 and you'll see what I mean. This is probably the only reason for me to next year, but I digress. 


Inevitably the coming year comes with regrets of the previous year. Regret is the birth-place of resolution as I have found over the past few years. In an attempt to rectify the mistakes that you have made through the course of the year, you set yourselves goals and rules and convince yourself that you will be able to stick to them. You make lists, you draw up strategies and you try your hardest to keep the promises that you make to yourself.


However - and I'm sure that most of you will agree with me - you don't keep those promises. In fact, within a few weeks you leave the majority of your plans in the dust. I speak from experience. Every year my New-Year's resolutions are annihilated by the beginning of February. The sad thing is that I don't even notice. Not until I have to make my resolutions for the next year. It's terribly frustrating.


That is why this year I have resolved to not make resolutions. Yes - I know that that's a resolution, but it's my blog and I can do what I want. Seriously, I feel that I will come up much lest disappointed if I don't set myself new rules this year that I will inevitably break next year. However, once I am in the new year, I will make myself strategies for a number of things as I go along - after all, you still need a battle plan for the year.


You may think that this is me just making New-Year's resolutions in the new year - and you'd be right. I think (for me anyway) that there is something about the term "New-Year's resolutions" that makes you want to rebel. I don't know. All I know is that my resolutions are always jinxed if I make them before January 1. 


This doesn't mean that I'm slating you if you do make resolutions. If you make resolutions and you stick to them then I take my hat off to you. If you make resolutions and you don't always stick to them - well at least you care about the direction of your life. I just prefer to make mine at a less conspicuous time.


Well, with that said, whatever you choose to do in the next two days, I hope you bring in 2011 well. I really hope that this is the year in which all your dreams come true, or at least begin to come true. 


So, Happy New Year!


- Cath x

Lol, Happy New Year!

The Day After Christmas

'Tis the day after Christmas
And by now you must feel
Sick at the mention
Or thought of a meal


You've over-indulged
Admit it - no fear
For this is what happens
At Christmas each year


You eat when you're talking
You eat and you pick
You eat and you eat
'Till you're literally sick


And what of the presents
You so lovingly wrapped?
They're strewn through the house
Like a treasure un-mapped


Some toys are broken
From over-excitement or worse
Let's hope you kept those receipts
In that now-empty purse


But - at least it's over
You may now finally rest
And spend some well-deserved time
On the one you love best (That's you by the way)


The dinners are finished
The puddings are gone
But the memories of Christmas
Will still linger on


So from me in my Owlery
I wish you good cheer
Just learn from your mistakes
And have a great new year


:)

Even Santa is feeling it...

Why grown-ups can't believe in Santa

So, another sleepless night. I really don't understand it tonight because I was up at eight in the morning, but clearly I am not in control of my own sleeping patterns, so I thought I'd log on and blog.


It's Christmas on Saturday (yay!) which means a lot of frantic, last-minute shopping, Christmassy food and music, and a great amount of harmless lying to the youngsters. Santa Clause is coming to town is one of my little bothers (the left-out 'r' is intentional, by the way) favourites at the moment because it promises him that if he is an angel for the next few weeks, he is guaranteed a visit from the jolly old Saint Nick that all children are obsessed with. You can understand the appeal, a man who spends all year making that toy that would have cost your parents an arm and a leg. You don't even have to pay him, well, besides with cookies and milk (which are always gone in the morning, thus proving his definite existence).


However, what I have found is that it is absolutely impossible for a grown-up to believe this "Santa" business. I mean obviously they know that he doesn't exist because the parents do all the buying - but as we get older, our brains become more logical. We start noticing all the impossibilities and list them to make ourselves feel smart. I got to thinking about the most common of the reasons and here's what I've come up with:


1. His sleigh and reindeer couldn't possibly fly
Due to all known laws of genetics and aviation, it is impossible to think that an enormous sleigh made of heavy wood and steel containing an overweight man and enough gifts to supply the whole world could be hoisted into the air by anything, let alone eight or nine (seemingly depending on the weather) normally flightless animals. It is a well-known fact that you need wings and a light bone-structure to fly. Reindeer have neither. Maybe Derren Brown could pull it off, but not a guy who lives off of cookies and milk.


2. Speaking of cookies and milk...
It is also a well-known fact that too much milk makes you sick. Coupled with biscuits... well let's say that Santa would not be so jolly all night.


3. There are not enough hours in a night
Unless Santa can time-travel, there is no way that he would be able to visit every single home on the planet in a night. That's just nuts.


4. Santa could not wear that suit everywhere in the world
As I am typing this I am beginning to melt. Imagine being in a thick red suit with fur-lined boots in temperatures of 30 + degrees. >.< Ouch.


That's all I feel like typing now. If you have suggestions for further impossibilities, comment them below.


I don't want to sound like I'm the cynical Ebenezer Grinch, I just thought that I would highlight the difference between kids and grow-ups as I like to believe that I am in the middle somewhere.


If I don't post before then, may your Christmas be wonderful and full of blessing. Don't over-do it ;)


- Cath x

Why do parents make their kids do this??

Well, I'm still standing...

As some of you may know (if you don't, read the previous post) yesterday, I was terrified of a roller-coaster.


Well, I did it. I did the Cobra.


I left it until the end of the day as I didn't know what to expect. We tried pretty much every ride, it was awesome. After going on each ride at least twice, we decided there was nothing for it - it was now or never. I was hoping for never, but soon we were walking past the snake tanks that lined the entrance to the ride and then we were in the line and then we were at the front of the queue and then we were in the waiting zone.


The inside of my head is not normally a place that I want to invite people, or that people necessarily want to be invited to, but I have decided that for your entertainment, you should know the thoughts that were running through my head at this time. This is best done in third person - 

***

Cath stares at the empty loading zone in front of her, heart hammering in her chest. She has no idea what awaits her, besides a 32-metre climb to the point of no return.


Cath: I can't believe I'm about to do this. [Starts screaming in her head]


Cath's heart almost stops as the harnesses arrive. The small gates keeping them from running across the platform swing open, and almost without thinking, Cath seats herself in a seat right at the back, next to her brother and is harnessed in. There is no turning back.


Cath: I can't believe that I'm strapped into the Cobra. How stupid was that? Just ask the nice dude checking the harnesses to let you off. He won't mind. Do it. Do it now! 


Somewhere in the distance, Cath hears the ride operator telling them to enjoy the ride and then, without any further warning, the ride give a jolt and move forward, beginning its climb. Cath now has her eyes firmly shut and can hear people cheering as the shade disappears and they begin heading in the general direction of the sun.


Cath: What are they cheering for? Oh crap, the thing is lifting. I'm not horizontal anymore. Argh, I must be heading to 32 metres. Good thing I'm not looking. I wonder how far we are.


Cath asks her brother how close to the top they are. He replies that they are nearly there.


Cath: Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh nooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!


The ride begins its descent, it twists this way and that until Cath is not sure which way is up and which way is down anymore. However, far from alarming or terrifying, the ride is - there was no other word for it - fun.


Cath: Maybe I should open my eyes?


Cath opens her eyes, only to see that they are about to be twisted upside-down.


Cath: Closed is definitely better. OH MY GOSH THIS IS SOOOOOOO EPIC! I THINK I'M GOING TO THINK IN CAPS FOR THE REST OF THE RIDE! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


However, just as Cath is starting to really enjoy the ride, it stops. Soon they are back at the platform, climbing off tentatively, then climbing down the stairs, then leaving the ride.


Cath: Let's do that again!

***

Thus concludes the insight into my mind under pressure. The Cobra is more like a python. Not immediately dangerous; you can have your picture taken with it. It's all good.


I'm going to own that ride the next time I go to Ratanga.


See ya x

Mine really didn't, but this is a cute photo

I think the roller-coaster may just eat me

It's me and Ratanga Junction tomorrow - the only theme park for miles and miles. If you're looking for a thrill or a rush of adrenaline in Cape Town, this is where it's done.


I, however, am not an adrenaline junkie. I'm not a junkie at all. 


For the last few times I've been there, though, I have gone on pretty much all the main rides - log rides and runaway trains. Fun, right? I'd agree. There was nothing particularly terrifying about any of them.


There is one ride that I'm terrified of, though. Every time I go to Ratanga, I stand there under the shadow of it and cower in fear. It's a terrifying mass of twisted yellow metal, tempting me to my doom.


Its name is the Cobra.


It appears to be innocent from the comfort of your home. They describe it on the website as: 


"...a suspended looping coaster which catapults riders from a height of 32m along 779m of track at up to four times the force of gravity and speeds of close to 100km/h. Adding to the thrill of the ride is the suspension of riders beneath the track, feet flying free..."


Well, okay, maybe it doesn't look so innocent from the comfort of your home. 32 metres high? Being flung at 100km per hour? 4G? My feet hang loose?


To be honest, most of that doesn't freak me out too much. I quite enjoy speed. 


But 32 metres? Really?? It isn't a good ride for people like me who feel uncomfortable on top of a jungle-gym.


However, I have resolved to go on it. Once. I know that after the initial climb, I'll be perfect. It'll all be great. I'll probably love it. 


I just hope that can I convince myself to get strapped into it in the first place. 


Hold thumbs for me!

Don't tell me that you don't find this intimidating.